Play Hooky With a Teen

If a teen says that they need a break from school, believe it.

Remember when you were a teenager and you pretended to have a stomachache so that you could stay home from school? You weren’t really sick, but you needed a break from the daily grind. You complained the night before about feeling puny, you went to bed early and hoped that by morning your mom would show mercy by letting you sleep late. Now you’re a parent of a teenager who occasionally employs similar tactics on you. Sometimes you give your teen a reprieve and allow him to stay home, and other times you call his bluff. Rather than playing the “stomachache” tug-of-wars—why not consider playing hooky together? After all—parents need a spontaneous time off once in a while too. Here are some of my well-tested hooky day strategies.

Instructions

Step1

Allocate a minimum number of hooky passes at the beginning of each semester. If it makes you feel more parental, like you're doing your parenting duty, you can distribute passes based on performance. For example, a teen who earns all B’s might deserve more passes than a kid who is flunking. On the other hand, a teen who is flunking might benefit immensely from unexpected days hanging out with you. She'll have the advantage of your undivided attention, and hopefully you’ll discover what special challenges she’s facing in school. With that knowledge, together you can design an action plan to get her back on track. Be sure to base the hooky allocation on your child’s individual needs.

Step2

If a teen says that they need a break from school, believe it. The daily grind is stressful for all of us, and even more so for teens who have teachers, peers, hours of homework and hormone changes to cope with. A small break from those pressures is often enough to turn a bad attitude into cooperation. Ask him when he would like to take a day off and how he would like to spend it. Would he prefer a day to himself or would he like to spend at least part of the day with you?

Step3

Establish hooky day guidelines. Hooky days are for rejuvenation. That means you’re giving permission for your teen to stay home in order to focus on taking gentle care of herself. A hooky day means relaxing, following her own whims, going through the day at her own pace, doing the things that renew her body, mind and spirit. This might include reading a book that she hasn’t had time for, taking a leisurely bubble bath, organizing her clothes, going out to lunch with you or hanging out with a favorite relative. The emphasis of a hooky day is relaxation and renewal, so that when the regular routine begins she will feel invigorated. If you are wondering why teens need such a break, remember that most of a teenager's day is orchestrated by demands from adults. They need a break to feel free and think for themselves.

Step4

Sorry, no television or computer allowed. Since computers and television are such a regular part of a teen's life, these things are not allowed on hooky day. The emphasis of hooky day is taking precious time to enjoy life in a way they don’t normally get to. Your teen can read, listen to uplifting music or organize their room, but make it clear beforehand that they will not be watching television, movies or playing video games.

Step5

Ask your teen to join you on a field trip. Surprise him with a day off from school by taking him on an outing. Go to a museum or art gallery and perhaps you'll feel less guilty knowing you can classify the day as educational. One mother surprised her daughter throughout the school year with behind-the-scenes tours of a fashion designer's office, a graphic designer and a print shop. She wanted her daughter exposed to various careers. After the field trip they had lunch together and talked about what they saw.

Step6

Take your teen to work. Each April thousands of parents participate in National Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. What a wonderful way for your teen to begin to understand how you spend your day. It's also an opportunity to communicate about expectations for their future. See link in Resources below.

Step7

Give your teen a choice. Sometimes a teen might need a day away from the stress of classes to catch up on homework. That’s a perfectly good use of hooky passes. You might be surprised at how empowering it is for a teen to know that they have a choice to stay home when they need to. From personal experience, I can tell you that it’s not likely they will take advantage of the privilege when they know it’s an option.

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