Step 1
Start young. By the time a kid has finished 8th grade, he or she has already made decisions about drugs, gangs and sex. That said, it’s never too late to encourage them to talk to you.
Step2
Quantity time trumps quality time in the long run. The more time you spend with your kids, the more opportunity they have to learn that you’re on their side and communicate with you.Step3
Make the time you spend with your kids count. Fifteen minutes of your undivided attention each day can do amazing things for your relationship. That time doesn’t have to be face-to-face time, either. Talk to your son while you are taking him to baseball practice. I used to wash my daughter’s at night when she took a bath. We had good conversations in those 5-minute periods.Step4
Listen. Kids make their own decisions, let them bounce their ideas off you without fear that you will take over and tell them what to do. If you dictate the answers to every problem, they won’t bother to talk. They know what you would do. They are trying to figure out what they should do.Step5
Pick your battles. Remember how your friends and neighbors look at you is not nearly as important as how your kids do. Let them dress, dye and pierce as much as you can stand. Their bodies belong to them. If they listen to you about the big stuff (like drugs and sex), it’s worth biting your tongue about some things if it means they talk to you.Step6
Realize that they will make different choices than you have. This may be good. Some kids rebel against the thought that their parents are trying to live vicariously through them. Let them be who they are, and they won’t have a lot to rebel againstStep7
Be honest. If you hate the thought that your kid wants to be a cheerleader, tell the truth. Then tell her that you’ll support her decision anyway, because it’s her decision.Step8
Talk about your own mistakes. “I did this, and it didn’t work out so well,” beats the chowder out of “Don’t do that!” every time.Step9
Say “I love you” a lot. 
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