Encourage Teens to Talk

Teens can be mystifying creatures. One minute they're silently lounging on the couch, the next they're jabbering on their cell phone. But of course, that's only when you're not around. If it feels like pulling teeth, here are some ideas that can help!


Instructions

Step1

So you have a teen that doesn't want to talk. You may be the parent, relative, mentor, teacher, leader, pastor, or counselor, but in any case, it doesn't really matter, because this teen is determined not to talk to you! Your first step is to mentally prepare yourself. This task is not easy, and you may find it troubling and frustrating. Take heart though, your message will be getting through!

Step2

Okay, so after you decide that you will try everything you can to reach your teen, jot down some conversation ideas that you think they might like to talk about. If she loves to blare rock music--you have a topic. Or maybe he's a varsity football player--well, there you go. Get clues from clothes, habits, friends, style, etc. Write down at least five different topics.

Step3

Now that you have your first weapon, approach the teen with a smile and say "hey". Ask them what's up. Listen. If they are reluctant to talk, ask about school, home life, sports, hobbies, activities, siblings, holidays, pets, or anything else that comes to your mind. Your first goal is not to have a heart-to-heart. Rather, it's to prove to the teen that you care. That is your one and only goal right now.

Step4

Being friendly to the teen may take repeating...over and over and over. You will need to show interest, while not getting too deep in their business until they break down the walls and start talking. As the conversations go on, bring out your list and ask them about specific topics you think they can relate to. Don't give up if they seem distant. Keep trying. It is absolutely essential that you keep pushing their fears away.

Step5

Once you have established a basic sense of trust with the teen, start inviting them to go out for coffee with you, or to get a burger. Invite them to the mall, to a musical, or to a sports game. If they are involved in sports, go watch their games. Prove that you are faithful and committed to them.

Step6

Most teens love having honest adult attention. They do not want someone telling them what to do though. Your job (if you aren't the parent) is to support and offer encouragement. You may advise them about a situation, but don't order their steps. It will undermine all the trust you worked so hard to build. If you serve as a mentor or leader, your job is so important. You get to influence, love, care, and build up a teenager. That is an amazing job! Don't take it forgranted!

Step7

Given time and energy, you can build a trusting relationship with a teen who may desperately need adult involvement in their life. What a blessing! Keep trying, and eventually, you will break through their shell.

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