Deal with Mean Girls

If your daughter has been the victim of mean girls, what should you do (especially if they were BFF just yesterday)? Girls can hurt each other deeply by pulling away their friendship, refusing to speak, spreading gossip and rumors, or making nasty faces. This behavior is known as relational aggression. A counselor specializing in girls health and wellness offers parents four tips to help girls

Instructions

Step1

Avoid minimizing. Whatever emotional pain your daughter is experiencing, it's real for her. Remember that she does not have the life experience you do, and it may feel to her that her entire world is crashing down. Responding with empty platitudes like "Just ignore them," or "That's just the way girls are," minimizes her experience making her feel you don't understand. If so, she'll stop sharing anything with you.

Step2

Coach, don't solve. It's hard to see our children suffer, so you may be tempted to step in and fight your daughter's battles for her by calling the other parent or visiting the school. But, this doesn't help your daughter learn the necessary skills she needs to manage relationships. Solving her problems only validates that you don't believe she's capable of doing so. Instead, ask her what she wants to do about the situation. Then coach her through steps she may need to take, then let her act on them.

Step3

Role play. If your daughter decides she wants to solve the problem by talking to the other girl, help her become more confident by role playing what might happen. Don't tell her what to say, but help her think through how she's coming across and how the other girl might respond. Remind her that any conversation needs to be face-to-face and held privately in order to be effective.

Step4

Encourage personal interests. Girls who define themselves by their friends fall the hardest if the relationship falters. Help girls build a safety net of resiliency by encouraging them to explore personal hobbies and interests apart from their friends. The more your daughter can define herself in terms of her personal strengths and unique interests, the more confident she will feel in any situation.

Step5

Teach social skills. Assertive communication and conflict resolution are learned skills. If your daughter tries (and fails) to solve conflicts by texting, it's because she has not learned another way. Eye contact, posture, tone of voice, listening skills and word choice are all examples of positive social skills girls need to be taught. If you need help teaching your daughter consider finding a counselor who specializes in girls and social skills, or sign her up for classes like Circle of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. which is a social skills development program.

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